Imitating God In The Home
SONG COMPETITION BETWEEN THE MEN AND WOMEN!
I know some of you are saying, ok Rich, enough with the
songs. But there was a purpose in that competition, the purpose is to show men
and women are different. Just in case you hadn't noticed, we are different, we
sound different, we process information different, we look different, we even
smell different.
In his
book, “From Bad Beginnings to Happy Endings”, Pastor Ed Young gives us the top
five basic needs of men and women in marriage:
For women their
top five needs are:
1. Affection
2. Communication
3. Openness/Honesty
4. Financial Support
5. Family Commitment
But men's top five
basic needs are:
1. Sexual Fulfillment
2. Recreational Companionship
3. An Attractive Wife
4. Domestic Support
5. Admiration.
No wonder people
have issues in marriage. When you consider those lists, it's obvious that if
we give our spouses what we need – in hopes of receiving the same in return, we
will miss the mark every time.
Today in our ongoing studies of the book of Ephesians, Paul
has been speaking about living in the light. Living for Jesus Christ in a
world of darkness. He began this section with a huge job.
Eph 5:1-2 Be imitators of God, therefore, as dearly
loved children and live a life of love, just as Christ loved us and gave himself
up for us as a fragrant offering and sacrifice to God.
Imitate God like Jesus, who died for others. In the text
we will consider today, Paul is giving us pictures of how to inmate God in the
Christian marriage. He's not so much giving us rules for marriage, but a
picture of how to inmate God within the home. How the wife is to imitate God
to her husband and how the husband is to imitate God to his wife.
Remember, the first century church was a mix of former
pagans and Jews and people who had no Christian model before them. They had no
bible to turn to, there was no “Marriage Encounter.” no Dr. Dobson, and no Dr.
Laura. The Jews for the most part had long since given up polygamy, the Romans
really never practiced it so as Paul shows us God's heart for marriage it is
from the view of one husband and one wife.
READ THE TEXT EPHESIANS 5:22-33 “IMITATING GOD IN THE
HOME.”
Three things to consider.
- WIVES V22-24 (SUBMISSION)
Paul gives the wives one important way to imitate God in
the home. Submission. But notice how Paul ties submission back to your
faith. Submit to your husband “just like you submit to the Lord.” Your
relationship with Jesus Christ is your example, by faith, you are trusting
God. Biblical submission is like that. When a woman submits to Jesus Christ,
the result is blessings, and honor, salvation from the Lord. But when you do
not submit it is rebellion toward God.
Some people like
to treat what Paul writes here like commands to do, but I believe this is more a
picture of God's precepts. It is not always easy but it is what bears much
fruit within the home, and what builds love within the marriage. Submission is
the wife's part in the two becoming one flesh.
Submission is not
slavery, we have already seen in our studies of Ephesians that your relationship
with God begins with submission. To be a Christian starts by submitting to
Jesus Christ as Lord. Then strong relationships are built upon submission of
one to another V21.
So the Christian
wife is called to imitate God by submission, first to God, then to her husband.
But notice the wording is very careful in V22 “as to the Lord.” The
wife submits to her husband - as she would submit to the Lord Jesus Christ.
What is the parallel? It's the blessings of being in God's will. Any man/
any woman submits to the Lord Jesus Christ is blessed by God and in God's
plan. Any woman who submits to her husband as she would to the Lord, it's much
the same. She is blessed because her submission is - an act of faith. By
faith you trust that your husband is hearing from God. (Sometimes that a lot
of faith!) By faith you look to the Lord to speak to you through your
husband. Christian submission of the wife is to the servant leadership of the
husband.
Yet do Christians
believe this? Not according to a survey conducted by the Gallup organization
69% of American adults disagree with the statement: "A wife should submit
graciously to the servant leadership of her husband:" When the respondents were
told that this concept comes from the bible, the percentage changes to about
60%. Yet isn't it interesting that the divorce rate is about the same as the
percentage of people who do not believe God's plan.
The bible teaches
that the husband is to love, serve, and lead - and the wife is to submit to that
leadership as she would to the Lord. Three ways submission works in the
marriage.
1.
RECOGNIZE YOUR HUSBAND AS THE HEAD.
Let me give you my
paraphrase of this text. “Wives allow your husbands to be the man God made
him to be.” Allow him to lead, allow him to process the way men process.
Allow him to be the head/ to be a man and help him be all that God created
him to be. When we sang those songs, as soon as I said “competition”
every man sat little straighter, they took on the challenge, see ladies that
is what every man needs, a challenge. So God created the woman very different
then the man, giving the man the greatest challenge ever.
Today we live in a
culture that wants to unisex everyone, women try to be men in how they act,
dress and emote. And too often women try to make men into something their not.
They want to feminize them, telling them to “get in touch with their emotions,
and communicate how you feel.”
Like the woman went to a lawyer and said she wanted a
divorce. The lawyer got out his note pad, and proceeded to ask her some
questions. “Do you have any grounds?” he inquired. “Oh, yes,” she replied.
“About three-quarters of an acre.” The lawyer paused for a moment, then asked,
“Do you have a grudge?” “No,” the woman answered quickly. “But we do have a
lovely carport.” Again the lawyer paused and then asked, “Does he beat you
up?” “No. I get up before him every morning,” the woman said. Finally the
lawyer blurted, “Lady, why do you want to divorce your husband?” To which she
replied “It’s because, that man can’t carry on an intelligent conversation.”
Just in case you never noticed, men and women communicate
differently, women speak with their emotions and communicate their feelings, men
tend to not think with their hearts they just say what their thinking.
Like the woman who wrote to Readers Digest about how soon after their last
child left home for college, her husband was resting next to her on the couch
with his head in her lap. She carefully removed his glasses and said. “You
know, honey, without your glasses you look like the same handsome young man I
married.” “Honey,” he replied “without my glasses, you still look pretty good
too!”
Definitions: “Biblical
headship for a husband is giving the best of all that he is to those under his
care and authority.” “Biblical submission is the wife giving the best
of all that she is to the one God has given authority in the home.”
Hundred's of years
ago, Martin Luther described it this way: “Let the wife make the husband glad
to come home, and let him make her sorry to see him leave.
God has built the church on the leadership of men. Not because we men are
more spiritual then women, but because as we learn in 1 Corinthians 11, its
because of the creation, the fall and the angels, that God has called the man to
be the head.
Its also important
to remember that anything with two heads is a freak and does not work, so God
tells the wife to honor her husband by recognizing his headship.
Biblical
submission, honors God. But it does not mean mean that you allow him to crash
the family. If he wants a new sports car and you have 5 kids and a limited
budget, you lovingly tell him “Your an idiot.” If is leading you and
the family in something illegal, immoral, or totally destructive, a submitted
life does not mean you roll over and let him do that. Rather you recognize
that God wants him to lead and you will not stand in the way of that but will
pray for him, and submit to his headship of the family. And if he makes some
mistakes, tell him. “I told you so.” NO -- don't do that, but allow him
to make mistakes and allow God to work in his life. A truly Godly husband will
take V 21 to heart.
Eph 5:21 Submit
to one another out of reverence for Christ.
TURN TO 1 PETER
3:1-6
Your example is
that of Sarah, she submitted to her husband even when he was being less then
loving. He lied about her, and almost got her in trouble. But Sarah's faith
shines before God, because she trusted God – not Abraham. And Sarah's beauty
shines from her behavior, the purity and the reverence she had.
When Suzanne and I
bought our last vehicle, it was the 1995 Ford PU we still drive. Together we
figured out our budget, together we looked a bunch of used trucks and had
narrowed it down to two. A Chevy and the Ford. Suzanne wanted the Chevy and
told me so. But when I crawled under it I knew it had been a ranch truck and
had hard miles on it. So we bought the Ford. And when it broke down the
first time --- No -- she didn't give me “the look” or anything else. Biblical
submission is the two working together, for the good of the family.
First element of
submission is to recognize your husband as the head.
2.
RESPECT. V33 READ IT.
R.E.S.P.E.C.T. /
JUST A LITTLE RESPECT. Do you interrupt your husband when he is trying to
talk? Do you nag him to get things done? Do you circumvent his leadership in
the home? To give respect or as the KJV says “reverence” to your husband is
done when you honor him as a man.
Gals do you know
you have the power to build up your husband or to tear him down? Did you know
your words can make him feel like he could conquer the world or your actions can
make him feel like a nothing. Its been said, behind every good man is godly
woman.
The late Ruth Bell
Graham once said of Billy Graham: "It's up to me to love him - its up to God to
change him.."
Wives, your
husband needs to know that he still rocks your boat. Your husband needs to
know that you love him, and you still view him as your “knight in shining
armor.”
When God created
the woman, it was to be a “help-meet” or a “helper” – “suitable” for the man.
Gals, are your actions / those of a submitted life, can be a “helper” or a
“hinderer.” The responsibility of the wife, a submitted life.
- HUSBANDS (TO LOVE) V25-30
Like the woman has
one responsibility with different ways to imitate God in the home, so the
husband has this one responsibility toward his wife. And its huge. not just to
love her, but to love her like Christ loves the church and died for us. Guys
that's huge, that's Agape love, its God's love, its unconditionally love, to
love her with a love that is not contingent on feelings or how she is
submitting.
John 15:13 (Jesus said) Greater love has no
one than this, that he lay down his life for his friends.
So the Christian husband is called to lay down his
life for his wife. Not just to take a bullet for her, but die to your own self
-- then to live for her. Putting her before your sports, putting her before
your recreation, your career, your hobbies, and your buddies. That's dieing to
yourself.
Marriage is work, but it's good work, whatever
efforts you put into your marriage you will receive them back. Your relation
with God is your first priority then your wife should be your first earthly
priority. Paul tells us here in Ephesians, five ways to imitate God in your
love toward your wife.
1.
LOVE HER BY GIVING OF YOURSELF. V25
Jesus taught the “greatest in the kingdom is
the one who serves.” So the husband imitates God by serving his wife.
That's Jesus example – he left the glories of heaven and took on the very nature
of a servant. The wife is not the slave, the husband is. Your wife is not
your child - it is not your responsibility to make her her submit, but to lead
her to God by your example. It is not the husbands responsibility to change
his wife, but to love her like Jesus who came as a servant and gave of himself.
1 Peter 3:7 Husbands, in the same way be
considerate as you live with your wives, and treat them with respect as the
weaker partner and as heirs with you of the gracious gift of life, so that
nothing will hinder your prayers. (One translation says “dwell with them with
understanding/ or knowledge.)”
Be considerate of them, considerate of their
needs, of who they are, and dwell with them in knowledge, as you honor them as
an - heir of God with you and your partner. I like to say: “If your
wife doesn't know you love her, then you are showing your love in the wrong
way.” Love your wife as you give of yourself for her.
2.
LOVE YOUR WIFE WITH THE WORD OF GOD. V26
Imitate God by being the spiritual leader of your
home. Lead your wife in worship/ make church attendance a priority/ study of
the word of God/ lead in prayer and fellowship. Make sure worshiping God is
the priority of your home. One of the most intimate moments between husband
and wife is bible-study and prayer together.
Josh 24:15 ...But as for me and my household,
we will serve the LORD.
3.
LOVE HER LIKE YOU LOVE YOURSELF. V28-29
Zig Ziglar said: ( Men,
your)... home is your castle, but it is not a castle without a king, and no king
is complete without his queen. Your wife will be delighted to be your queen --
if you treat her like one.
Paul says, love her like you
love yourself. How do you do that? Its different for each situation.
Denis Thatcher, was the husband of former British
prime minister Margaret Thatcher, and he is remembered for his good-humored
answer to a question from a reporter probing for some sign of jealousy toward
Mrs. Thatcher’s position. As the Thatchers were moving into the prime
minister’s residence at “10 Downing Street”, in London, the reporter asked Mr.
Thatcher, “Who wears the pants in this house?” His answer is classic. “I
do,” --“and I also wash and iron them.”
To love your wife like you love yourself, is treat her
well, help her with the home, that might be chores, kids, finances, whatever.
4.
LOVE HER BY LEAVING YOUR PAST AND BEING UNITED TO HER V30-32
This is the heart of marriage in the bible. It is
found four times in the scriptures. Leave your mother and father and begin a
new life with your wife. But that also means you leave the old girlfriends,
leave the old priorities, leave your past hurts, leave your tentativeness in
leadership, and be one with your wife. That is how we imitate God toward our
wives.
If you have been married before, and there are
children involved you will be bringing your former spouse into the marriage.
Guys it is up to you to control those situations the best you can. Leave the
old behind, keep your “ex” from ruining your marriage, leave the old life of a
single and be united to your wife as the partner God has given you.
Peter says, “we are heirs together of the gift
of life that God has given.” So love her by bing considerate of her - be
thoughtful of their needs - honoring her, dwell with her according to knowledge,
and treating her with respect. Love her by leaving the old behind.
5.
LOVE HER AS YOURSELF V 28 /33
Just as every
healthy person cares for themselves, so husbands are to love their wife like
they love themselves. Think about it, if the two are one, when you love your
wife, you really are loving yourself. When you bless her, / when you do
something sacrificial for her, a godly woman will respond in kind.
Marriage is work,
but it is a good work. God has laid out for the man, for the woman a plan that
works. Many people want to look to the world, psychiatry, or even Hollywood -
for their model of marriage. But God has his plan laid out here, that we
imitate God to one another.
I thought a good title for this message would be: “marriage that works”,
because those two words need to be together. To have a successful / godly
marriage, takes work. It takes a husband working to imitate God. It takes a
wife, keeping her eyes not on her husband, but on her own relationship with the
Lord.
Successful marriages require teamwork: In days of old on the farm the
best field work was done with a team of horses that were equally matched. With
both horses pulling together and equally sharing the weight of the load, the
plow made a straight furrow.
Marriage takes work, but it is good work, it takes 100% effort by both
husband and wife, 100% of the time. It takes a man who will treat his wife
with honor, it takes a woman who will respect her husband. Marriage takes two
people who are able to bite their tongues and develop a relationship not based
on feelings, or attraction, but one based on faith and love. Faith in God,
love for God, and love for one another. We have seen the Wife and the Husband,
finally we see the overall marriage.
- THE MARRIAGE V31-33
In this twenty first century there is a huge assault on the
home and family.
Carle Zimmerman, in his book Family and Civilization,
(1947) recorded eight specific patterns of domestic behavior that were common in
the downward spiral of different civilizations in history.
- Marriage loses its
sacredness ... is frequently broken by divorce;
- Traditional meaning of the marriage ceremony is lost;
- Feminist movements abound;
- There is increased public disrespect for parents and
authority in general;
- An acceleration of juvenile delinquency, promiscuity
and rebellion occurs;
- There is refusal of people with traditional marriages
to accept family responsibilities;
- A growing desire for, and acceptance of, adultery is
evident;
- There is increasing
interest in, and spread of, sexual perversions and sex-related crimes.
So Paul in wrapping up this section on imitating God
concludes with the marriage itself. Paul quotes the same scriptures from
Genesis that Jesus quoted. That the man is to leave his parents and form a new
family. Now when Paul wrote this men certainly had a lot more social status
then women, so I don't thinks its a long stretch to say that the woman needs to
leave her past as well.
Leave your old life, leave your old loves, your parent, and
form a new family built on the love God has given you. That does not mean you
divorce your parents. It does not mean you can't have a close relationship
with your parents but it does mean you are your own family. Don't let your old
life rule your new family.
- THE MYSTERY. V32
Once again we see a mystery revealed. The mystery? It
you want to understand marriage from God's perspective, consider the
relationship between the church (the bride) and our Lord Jesus Christ.
Husband's how does Christ act toward the church? Wives how does the church act
toward her husband Jesus Christ?
- THE SUMMERY. V33
So just in case you didn't get it the first time Paul
summarizes it all using the strongest language when he says, Husbands, “must”
love your wife. And wives “must” respect their husband.
Again I love that quote from Martin Luther, "Let the
wife make her husband glad to come home, and let him make her sorry to see him
leave."
PRAY, INVITE,
BENEDICTION, SING
Series: Ephesians
-Through the Bible
By: Rich Lammay
Title: “IMITATING GOD IN THE HOME”
Scripture: Ephesians 5:22-33
Date: August, 2007
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